Tips for Pumping

Having dealt with so many myself, I have an odd facination for solving issues associated with breast feeding.  My now 4 month old son practically destroyed me during the first 8 weeks of his life.  I had to suspend nursing for 3 weeks and bottle feed expressed breast milk.   For three weeks I pumped 8 or 9 times a day.   Because of this and the people who know this,  I frequently get asked tips for pumping.   So here are my tips based on my experience to share! 

For increasing milk supply/ maximizing the amount of milk you get from a pump: 

1. Change the size of your flanges on your pump.   The Medela Pump in Style (most popular model) comes with 24mm. breast sheild flanges.   Chances are you require a larger size.   If you're rubbing against the sides of the tube, you need a bigger size.   Target sells 27mm.  Turns out I am a 36mm, which can be purchased at Memorial Health in Savannah or online here.  
2. Power pump.   Choose an hour long TV show and sit down free of distractions (if possible!)  Pump for 10 minutes.  Rest for 10 minutes.   Pump for 10 minutes.  Rest for 10 minutes.  Do this for 60 minutes.   The goal is NOT milk, the goal is to trick your body into believing you need more milk.   Do this once a day for three or four days.  Continue to pump even if you aren't getting any milk. It's the stimulation you're looking for.  
3. I sat on the floor, a bit hunched over, with my back against the couch.   This may sound strange but my back was supported and I let gravity do the work with the pumping.  When sitting on a couch leaned back or on the bed, I got less milk.  
4. As I have read and experienced, your body generally has two or three let downs.   At first you may get a lot of milk, then it stops.  Don't let that stop your pumping.  You may get another let down, maybe even a third.  Pump for 15-20 minutes.  Don't pump longer than 30 - that's just uncomfortable!
5. When the flow slows or stops, do breast compressions by squeezing from top and down.  
6. Relax.  Don't pump after paying bills, while in a fight with your husband, or thinking about something stressful... If you can be next to baby while pumping, that helps.   If you aren't with baby, think about baby, see a picture or even (sounds creepy) smell something of the baby. 
7. I had a lot of success with More Milk Plus by MotherLove.  Many take the herbal supplement called Fenugreek three times a day at meals.   When taken together, your milk should greatly increase your supply. (I nearly doubled my supply after More Milk Plus.)  I was also recommended Go Lacta by a lactation consultant at Savannah Memorial but never took this.  
8. Eat watermellon between pumping.
9. Eat oatmeal frequently. 

Making pumping simpler: 

1. If you are on a feed, wake, sleep schedule like in Baby Wise,  pump while baby is sleeping, then you can have fresh, temperature ready milk when baby wakes up to eat.   No heating of bottles then.  
2. If you have a large supply and you can pump directly into the bottle that you will be feeding, Motzel tov!  Then you don't need to wash the collection bottles, too.  
3. Through your pumping supplies in the fridge after your pump every other time - so you don't spend half your day washing and sanitizing.  Some lactation consultants I talked to, one in particular at the Hilton Head Hospital, said its okay to leave your supplies out for up to 8 hours all set up.   I've read different things about this.   I personally don't leave milk out longer than 4 hours. 

For your sanity: 

1. If you're goal is the feed exclusive breast milk but you are lacking supply, add 1 or 2 oz. of formula (or whatever you're deficit is) to the breast milk for 2 bottles to "get ahead."  Often times I found I was stressed about getting a full feeding if there wasn't a full feeding in the fridge, but if I had two or three feedings ahead, I would actually get the full feeding.   If you're able to get ahead a few feedings, you may feel less stressed out.   I was able to quit supplementing after a few days of this. 
2. Have your husband or helper feed the baby at night, so you can pump at the same time the baby is eating.  Feeding, then pumping, and then cleaning can be a long process, if you have someone to reduce the amount of time spent - take it.  You can feed the baby the bottle during the day hopefully. 

Can you love two kids equally?

As an only child and with my second child on the way, I had to ask the question – will I really be able to love another baby as much as I love my first born daughter, Molly? Everyone tells me the question is silly and that of course, I will! But I’ve done my research and favoritism amongst siblings is real and exists in parenting. And there’s science to back it up.

According to a professor of human and community development at the University of California at Davis in a study done with 384 siblings and their parents, 65% of mothers and 70% of fathers have a preference for one child. And that’s usually the older one. During the course of the study, researchers visited the families three times a year for three years and observed their relationships, videotaped them as they worked through conflicts, and interviewed them extensively.

Karl Pillemer is a professor and director at The Cornell University Institute for Translational Research on Aging (CITRA) and is currently conducting a seven year study with 550 mothers over the age of 65 and their adult children. His ongoing analysis focuses on parental favoritism, differential helping to and by offspring. "I'm doing interviews with hundreds of people,” said Pillemer. “And one of the most emotional things for them after 70 or 80 years is memories of parental favoritism.”

How could this be? There are a few reasons why psychologists, sociologists and other experts believe that sibling favoritism exists.

1. Survival of the fittest.    We are genetically driven to want our offspring to succeed and carry on our seed. Therefore the strongest, fittest, and smartest of the offspring is often “favored” more because it will more likely succeed in carrying on the parent’s legacy
2. Best looking.  Though parents will not openly one child is better looking than another, long standing bodies of work point to humans’ deeply wired bias for beauty. Beauty is often defined by facial symmetry, clear complexion, and larger eyes. Sibling expert Catherine Salmon of the University of Redlands in California calls it “the general heuristic that things are attractive and healthy and good and smart.
3. Your gender matters.   There seems to be a pattern with cross-gendering. A Dad is helpless in the face of his daughter’s charms, a mother admires her prince of a son. Parents seem to value the trait in the opposite gender that is paradoxically associated with their own sex. For example, the athletic father admires and favorites his soccer playing daughter.
4. Birth order.

a. Why first borns are the favorite: First born children are often the favorite simply because parents have made more effort in developing that child. It’s a principal in business called sunk costs – the more effort you’ve made into developing a product, the more committed you are to seeing it come to fruition. By the time the second child comes around, you’ve already committed 10 months to many years with your first born. You build up equity in your first borns that cannot be matched with subsequent children.

b. Why last borns are the favorite: There’s a theory that exists that the last born children are protected more so than other children, particularly by their mothers. In some instances, they are over protective perhaps because they weren’t planned for or the father (or mother) didn’t “want” them. Last born children develop defensive skills – the ability to “disarm and charm.” It’s what sibling psychologists call the low-power strategy.

c.  Three kid families, the only gender: This can be the case in families that have three children that the outnumbered gender is the favorite. For instance in families with two girls and one boy, the boy becomes the favorite simply because he is different. That child gets extra attention and investment.

Least Favored Status

Psychologist Victoria Bedford of the University of Indianapolis has studied favoritism extensively. For years, she’s been looking at the impact on children’s self-esteem, their community involvement and their relationships with family and friends. The impact studied is known as the LFS – or Least Favored Status. A research professor in developmental psychology at the University of Denver studied 136 sibling pairs two times a year for two year intervals. Findings of both researchers are that the LFS child is more likely to develop anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. Behavior problems ensue as well, which becomes a downward spiral because parents tend to crack down on them, further diminishing their position on the totem pole. It’s real and it’s hurtful.

Fluid Favoritism

There’s a wide audience of people – experts and parents alike - that will tell you that there’s no such thing as a long term favorite but it’s more like fluid favoritism. The favorite child changes hourly or daily, monthly or yearly. Adults based on their own mood swings, interests and hobbies will find connections to one child and one time and another child at another time. Some adults prefer different stages of children’s adolescence – the mother who prefers the baby and toddler phase because she feels needed and important, or the father that prefers the kindergarten years because he can play easier and relate more to his child. In this case of fluid favoritism, each child gets a turn at being the favorite as they pass through the stage preferred by their parents. But it’s still favoritism.

What can be done?

• Be aware of your preference but never admit it to anyone.
• Make equal time for both (or all children) individually. Plan special outings and events with each separately whenever possible
• Careful not to make observations that favor the “favorite” child in comparison to least favorite. “Molly always does her homework on time, why can’t you?”
• Make a concerted effort to think of positive characteristics that your least favorite child possesses and compliment him or her for those attributes

In all of my research, not one article suggested that it’s not possible to love more than one child. I have no doubt that I will love a second child very much. In fact, of course I already do love this 2 lb. meatloaf in my belly! Perhaps now with more understanding of favoritism, I will be better equipped to make sure that 2.0 doesn’t get the shaft and no one in my family is least favored status. If you have multiple children and disagree or agree with any of this research, I hope to hear your thoughts.

Sources:

1. Time Magazine: The Science of Favoritism: http://www.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,20111003,00.html

2. NY Times: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/26/do-all-parents-love-on-child-more/

3. NY Times: When parents parent differently - http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/06/when-siblings-parent-differently/

4. Cornell University: http://www.human.cornell.edu/bio.cfm?netid=kap6

5. http://www.momlogic.com/2011/03/can_you_really_love_your_kids_equally.php

6. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-favorite-child/201001/do-parents-have-favorite-children

7. http://www.alittlekingandiblog.com/2012/02/finding-balance-with-two-kids.html

8. Preparing #1 for #2: http://www.parents.com/blogs/red-hot-parenting/2011/10/11/health/preparing-child-1-for-child-2-great-advice-from-an-expert/

9. http://www.parents.com/blogs/red-hot-parenting/2011/09/26/parenting/do-you-play-favorites-with-your-kids/

10. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/21/parents-with-favorite-child_n_972523.html

Bedtime Battles

Toddlers between theages of 2 and 3 years old need approximately 11 hours of nighttime sleep andone hour of daytime sleep. Naps beginto disappear after the third birthday. Accordingto Dr. Marc Weissbluth, M.D. in his bookHealthy Sleep Patterns, Happy Child, when children and adults aren’t getting the sleep they need, the effect of lost sleep accumulates overtime. Consequences of cumulative sleepiness include headaches, gastrointestinal issues, forgetfulness, reduced concentration, fatigue and emotional ups and downs. In addition, stress, more pronounced mood swings and uncharacteristic personalitychanges.

Of course, all parents understand that. Most parents donot keep their children up just for fun or wake them up early for the heck ofit. The lack of sleep is due to common sleep problems. Toddlers that don’t fall asleep, stay asleep, wake up often, or wake up early.

Our story: For us and our 2.5 year old daughter, our issue is falling asleep. I call it the Bedtime (or Naptime) Battles. She alternates between seeming tired and wired. She rubs her eyes, yawns, and seems exhausted. Then at the flip of the dime, she seems wide awake, even hyper – talking a mile a minute, talking toinvisible elephants, and painting imaginary pictures on the wall. We put her to bed at 7.00 or 7.30, and she’s out of bed 6-8 times with various requests, needs, and is defiant about returning to her bed. Lately, we are lucky if we get her down by 9.00 pm. We’ve seen 10.30 and 11 pm with her.

Here’s what the experts say:

1) Have a discussion during the day about the importance of sleep. Toddlers are very curious and are like sponges with information. “Sleep is so important! You need lots of sleep so you can grow big and have lots of energy to play during the day!”

2) Establish a consistent bedtime routine such as dinner, bedtime, bath time, potty & teeth brushing, then books. Usea digital clock and say – “Oh look, it’s seven o’clock! [say the numbers seven,zero, zero]. It’s time for bed.” Then lights out. This should be at a consistent time (between6.30 – 8:00 pm) every night.

3) Anticipate all the requests early. Give her a little bit of water, a small snack, make sure she goes to the bathroom, pull-up is dry, you’ve kissed the dogs goodnight, and you’ve anticipated all the stall tactics. Your toddler is going to test the limits ofnew-found independence. To feel empowered, let your child make choices when possible. Which PJ’s she wants to wear, which tooth brush to use, etc.

4) Create sleep rules. Make this an elaborate poster with colors and stickers, even have her help create it, and put on the wall in thebedroom. Recite them and make them funfor your child. At bedtime we….

· Stay in bed

· Close our eyes

· Stay very quiet

· Go to sleep

When they violate the sleep rule, say: “Molly, rememberthe sleep rules.” Rewards and privileges are very important to this plan. Rewardyour child with a treat – a sticker, a wholesome snack that’s special, an extrabook in the morning before school – if they follow the sleep rules. Choose passive activities like watching TV, playing with the computer, or playing withdolls or trucks to be a privilege that can be revoked if they don’t follow the sleep rules. So after you recite the sleep rules, you say: “Molly, remember to follow the sleep rules and when you wake up you can have the privilege (or treat) of watching TV.” If she follows, say: “Thank-you forfollowing the sleep rules. Now here’s your treat.”

5) Use the Silent Return to Sleep Strategy, which means no talking when they get out of bed. When they get out of bed, say – “It’s time forbed.” Put her back in bed, and immediately walk out. Do not make eye contact, don’t engage in conversation. Make sure you are boring but respectful and positive.

6) Be calm and firm. The angrier youget, the more of a reaction you are giving her, and you are reinforcing thebehavior.

Wish us luck!

Sources:

• · Weissbuth, Marc, MD. HealthySleep Habits, Happy Child. BallatineBooks: 2003.
• · Online sources: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/helping-your-toddler-learn-to-put-himself-to-sleep
• · http://www.ivillage.com/bedtime-rituals-8-ways-end-bed-battles/6-n-146443#ixzz1ndQF1jJv
• · http://www.ivillage.com/bedtime-rituals-8-ways-end-bed-battles/6-n-146443#ixzz1ndQAVkEP