Cinderella ate my daughter by Peggy Orenstein is a book that every mother raising a daughter should read. Today's culture of "princesses" and emphasis on girls getting older younger, looking beautiful, and how that message is disseminated and received by toddlers as young is mind blowing. Through mainstream media, girls are put on a trajectory of things pink and sparkly, moving to diva, then overtly sexualized. The path is dangerous and parents do not have to succumb. Here's my book report, the Cliff Notes if you will --to share the key points readers.
So what's wrong with Cinderella?
Let's start out with Disney heroines as role models. Princesses avoid female bonding and their goals are to be saved by a prince, married, and taken care of for the rest of their lives. Recall Ariel, the little mermaid actually willing to trade her beautiful voice for a man! Their values derive from their appearance. With characters like these, we may actually be cultivating a legion of step sisters: spoiled, self-centered materialsts, superficially charming, but without depth or means of transformation.
Turns out "Disney Princesses" as a concept didn't exist until 2000 when a former Nike executive Andy Mooney saw an unfulfilled market for them to be branded together in a consumer products division. Think princess make-up, shoes, dress up clothes, over 26,000 products. Before Mooney, all of that merchandising didn't exist. Just 9 years later, sales soared to 4 BILLION dollars. It is the largest franchise on the planet for girls ages TWO to SIX.
Sex and your daughter
Orenstein makes a claim that "early sexualization can derail a girls healthy development then estrange them from their own erotic feelings." Perhaps the most thought provoking part of the book for me was when Orenstein writes: "my fear for my daughter is not that she will someday act in a sexual way; it is that she will learn to act sexually against her own self-interest." In other words: I know she will have sex, but when she does, I hope she does it for the right reasons (including that it's pleasurable for her - not just to gratify a man.)
Let's start out with Disney heroines as role models. Princesses avoid female bonding and their goals are to be saved by a prince, married, and taken care of for the rest of their lives. Recall Ariel, the little mermaid actually willing to trade her beautiful voice for a man! Their values derive from their appearance. With characters like these, we may actually be cultivating a legion of step sisters: spoiled, self-centered materialsts, superficially charming, but without depth or means of transformation.
Turns out "Disney Princesses" as a concept didn't exist until 2000 when a former Nike executive Andy Mooney saw an unfulfilled market for them to be branded together in a consumer products division. Think princess make-up, shoes, dress up clothes, over 26,000 products. Before Mooney, all of that merchandising didn't exist. Just 9 years later, sales soared to 4 BILLION dollars. It is the largest franchise on the planet for girls ages TWO to SIX.
What's up with everything PINK?
In short, because pink sells. Girls attraction to pink may seem encoded in their DNA, that girls are just born loving it, but the truth is that hundreds of thousands of products - toys, clothes, books are available and more importantly, marketed to them in pink. Even Sesame Street, a show that stomped out stereotypes and celebrated diversity for years sold out here with the launch in 2006 of Abby Cadabby, a pink three-year old "fairy in training."
In short, because pink sells. Girls attraction to pink may seem encoded in their DNA, that girls are just born loving it, but the truth is that hundreds of thousands of products - toys, clothes, books are available and more importantly, marketed to them in pink. Even Sesame Street, a show that stomped out stereotypes and celebrated diversity for years sold out here with the launch in 2006 of Abby Cadabby, a pink three-year old "fairy in training."
When children are tiny, no matter how we dress them or decorate their room, they do not know pink from blue. Generally, they play with the same toys. Girls and boys start labeling around age 2-3 and until age 5 don't really understand that your gender is fixed based on anatomy. They think gender is based on color choices, hair style, toy preferences and favorite colors. (A three year old thinks Sally is a girl because she wears a pink headband. She doesn't think Sally is a girl because Sally has a vagina.)
The lure of Disney Princesses and grasping PINK, pink and more pink then at age 2-5 makes total sense if above is the case. Developmentally speaking, that's the same age when girls need to prove they are girls, when they latch onto the most exaggerated image of femininity. Age four is also when their brains are the most malleable and most open to long term influence on the abilities and roles that go with their sex. Therefore the age when Princesses are being marketed to two - six years are precisely the time when they are learning about their gender identity and roles, and when they are the most susceptible to influence. And why they grasp pink as a symbol of their femininity.
Also discussed in this chapter is the concept of kids getting older younger. In marketing, it's actually known as KGOY. Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers originally were intended for age 12. Now half of six-to-nine year olds wear lip gloss or lipstick regularly. Lip Smackers now targets their audience at age 4. FOUR! For lipstick!
The lure of Disney Princesses and grasping PINK, pink and more pink then at age 2-5 makes total sense if above is the case. Developmentally speaking, that's the same age when girls need to prove they are girls, when they latch onto the most exaggerated image of femininity. Age four is also when their brains are the most malleable and most open to long term influence on the abilities and roles that go with their sex. Therefore the age when Princesses are being marketed to two - six years are precisely the time when they are learning about their gender identity and roles, and when they are the most susceptible to influence. And why they grasp pink as a symbol of their femininity.
Also discussed in this chapter is the concept of kids getting older younger. In marketing, it's actually known as KGOY. Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers originally were intended for age 12. Now half of six-to-nine year olds wear lip gloss or lipstick regularly. Lip Smackers now targets their audience at age 4. FOUR! For lipstick!
Sparkle, Sweetie!
In this chapter, Orenstein examines the culture of beauty pageants - specifically the hit TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras or even less excessive and real life situations in which 5 year old girls get spray tans, diet, dress in thousand dollar gowns and perform a "talent" to a mostly male judging panel. They strut their stuff on stage to be judged.
The show claims to be an expose and then the viewers that watch them indulge in "guilty free" voyeurism. They're the better parents because those moms are the monsters! Mother's of daughters in pageants claim that they build a child's confidence, give her a poise that will one day be useful in getting a job but what Orenstein thinks is really just a denial of injury (the idea that children are not harmed by the experience, but they actually benefit) or is just denial of responsibility (the idea that the child begged to be in it and they had no choice but to comply.) Perhaps worse is that we, the viewer, stop questioning the way our children are objectified in real life because we see situations on TV that are far worse. We are desensitized to the sexualization and objectification.
Disney's Intentions for Our Daughters
Disney's intentions for our daughters - the promise begun in the princess years, that if parents stuck with the brand - letting girls progress naturally from Cinderella to the Disney Channel divas with their TV shows, movie spin-offs, and music downloads - our daughters could actually enjoy pop culture without becoming pop tarts. Safe. Innocent. Protective. FALSE. Miley, Lindsay, Hilary, even Britney. They're all part of the Disney machine. They serve up their sexuality for mass consumption, and we the public - mostly our daughters - just buy into it.
Shielding ones daughter from all of the sexually charged toys, clothing, music and images is not easy. From Ty Girlz dolls, Bratz dolls, Moxie Girls, Barbie dolls, to the most recent Disney channel "It" girl - its pervasiveness is hard to escape. 8 year-olds are wearing low-slung shirts that read: BAD GIRL and short shorts, with lip gloss. Innocent and loved Miley Cirus was the loved Hannah Montanah. In 2006, she posed coyly and sexually for Vanity Fair - farewell to the innocent Hannah Montanah! Also enter Jamie Lynn Spears. Disney Channel "Safe It Girl" one day - knocked up at 16 the next. It's a trend Ornstein calls: "wholesome to whoresome."
In this chapter, Orenstein examines the culture of beauty pageants - specifically the hit TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras or even less excessive and real life situations in which 5 year old girls get spray tans, diet, dress in thousand dollar gowns and perform a "talent" to a mostly male judging panel. They strut their stuff on stage to be judged.
The show claims to be an expose and then the viewers that watch them indulge in "guilty free" voyeurism. They're the better parents because those moms are the monsters! Mother's of daughters in pageants claim that they build a child's confidence, give her a poise that will one day be useful in getting a job but what Orenstein thinks is really just a denial of injury (the idea that children are not harmed by the experience, but they actually benefit) or is just denial of responsibility (the idea that the child begged to be in it and they had no choice but to comply.) Perhaps worse is that we, the viewer, stop questioning the way our children are objectified in real life because we see situations on TV that are far worse. We are desensitized to the sexualization and objectification.
Disney's Intentions for Our Daughters
Many of us played princess and dress up when we were young and that's part of the appeal of the movies and the merchandise. Mother's assume because they watched them too, they can't be bad - they're safe, they're innocent. But what's a contradiction in today's world is that they're being introduced to a consumer culture that will ultimately encourage the opposite. And because when we were playing princess or watching Sleeping Beauty, the context in which they were marketed was much different.
Disney's intentions for our daughters - the promise begun in the princess years, that if parents stuck with the brand - letting girls progress naturally from Cinderella to the Disney Channel divas with their TV shows, movie spin-offs, and music downloads - our daughters could actually enjoy pop culture without becoming pop tarts. Safe. Innocent. Protective. FALSE. Miley, Lindsay, Hilary, even Britney. They're all part of the Disney machine. They serve up their sexuality for mass consumption, and we the public - mostly our daughters - just buy into it.
Shielding ones daughter from all of the sexually charged toys, clothing, music and images is not easy. From Ty Girlz dolls, Bratz dolls, Moxie Girls, Barbie dolls, to the most recent Disney channel "It" girl - its pervasiveness is hard to escape. 8 year-olds are wearing low-slung shirts that read: BAD GIRL and short shorts, with lip gloss. Innocent and loved Miley Cirus was the loved Hannah Montanah. In 2006, she posed coyly and sexually for Vanity Fair - farewell to the innocent Hannah Montanah! Also enter Jamie Lynn Spears. Disney Channel "Safe It Girl" one day - knocked up at 16 the next. It's a trend Ornstein calls: "wholesome to whoresome."
Sex and your daughter
Orenstein makes a claim that "early sexualization can derail a girls healthy development then estrange them from their own erotic feelings." Perhaps the most thought provoking part of the book for me was when Orenstein writes: "my fear for my daughter is not that she will someday act in a sexual way; it is that she will learn to act sexually against her own self-interest." In other words: I know she will have sex, but when she does, I hope she does it for the right reasons (including that it's pleasurable for her - not just to gratify a man.)
Why it's so dangerous.
There's ample evidence that suggests the more mainstream media girls consume, the more importance they place on being pretty and being sexy. Increasingly in today's culture women have to be smart, a good athlete, compassionate, friendly, caring, assertive, get into a good college, become a wife, working professional, mother and doting wife, pretty, sexy and cool. It's a tall order.
The media machine that tells girls how you look is more important than how you feel, or even worse that how you look is how you feel as well as who you are. Our children aren't growing up any faster because of the world, it's because we are allowing the images and the mass media allow them to be reached and we are accepting it. The marketing notion of KGOY is a full-filling prophecy.
Scary statistics - 81 percent of ten year old girls are already dieting. Kindergartners know that "fat" is shameful. But how? When was the last time you saw a chubby Disney Princess?
How a girl feels about her appearance has a major impact on her self-esteem - whether she is pretty enough, thin enough, or hot enough. If Princesses, Moxies, and Miley are not responsible, they certainly reinforce it. 12,000 Botox injections in 2009 for children ages 13-19, 43,000 children under 18 altered their appearance through cosmetic surgery.
Just between you, me, and my 622+ BFF's.
80% of KINDERGARTNERS are online. 80%. As those K-students get older, the internet has become a place to game, chat, experiment with identity, develop friendships, and flirt. Nowadays on social networking, their thoughts, photos, tastes, and activities are put out as statuses and subjected to immediate and lasting judgement by those they've accepted, which turns out teens aren't that discriminatory. As they get older on social communities, notice that the "self" has become a "brand"- something to be marketed towards others rather than developed from within. The friends become your consumers, an audience for whom you perform. Girls specifically then have to cultivate a persona of "beautiful, sexy yet innocent" and not come off like a "slut."
What should we do?
Teach your daughter to remember that identity is not for sale. Your identity comes from the inside. Orenstein also suggests:
We can and should give our daughters choices beyond Disney Princesses, Barbies, Moxie Dolls, Bratz Dolls, and the numerous other dolls being shoved down our throats aisle after aisle, ad after ad, commercial after commercial. Those choices should appeal to our daughter's desire to be girls at the time that they are most malleable. They're choices that should appeal to parent's values, world view and dreams for them. We should remember that there are other colors on the spectrum - not just pink - when choosing merchandise for our girls.
There's ample evidence that suggests the more mainstream media girls consume, the more importance they place on being pretty and being sexy. Increasingly in today's culture women have to be smart, a good athlete, compassionate, friendly, caring, assertive, get into a good college, become a wife, working professional, mother and doting wife, pretty, sexy and cool. It's a tall order.
The media machine that tells girls how you look is more important than how you feel, or even worse that how you look is how you feel as well as who you are. Our children aren't growing up any faster because of the world, it's because we are allowing the images and the mass media allow them to be reached and we are accepting it. The marketing notion of KGOY is a full-filling prophecy.
Scary statistics - 81 percent of ten year old girls are already dieting. Kindergartners know that "fat" is shameful. But how? When was the last time you saw a chubby Disney Princess?
How a girl feels about her appearance has a major impact on her self-esteem - whether she is pretty enough, thin enough, or hot enough. If Princesses, Moxies, and Miley are not responsible, they certainly reinforce it. 12,000 Botox injections in 2009 for children ages 13-19, 43,000 children under 18 altered their appearance through cosmetic surgery.
80% of KINDERGARTNERS are online. 80%. As those K-students get older, the internet has become a place to game, chat, experiment with identity, develop friendships, and flirt. Nowadays on social networking, their thoughts, photos, tastes, and activities are put out as statuses and subjected to immediate and lasting judgement by those they've accepted, which turns out teens aren't that discriminatory. As they get older on social communities, notice that the "self" has become a "brand"- something to be marketed towards others rather than developed from within. The friends become your consumers, an audience for whom you perform. Girls specifically then have to cultivate a persona of "beautiful, sexy yet innocent" and not come off like a "slut."
What should we do?
Teach your daughter to remember that identity is not for sale. Your identity comes from the inside. Orenstein also suggests:
- Stress what your daughters body can DO over how it is decorated.
- Praise her for her accomplishments over her looks.
- Make sure Dad is on board - a father's loving regard and interest in a girl, as the first man in her life, is crucial.
- Involve her in team sports: research shows that participation lowers teen pregnancy rates, raises self-esteem, and improves grades.
We can and should give our daughters choices beyond Disney Princesses, Barbies, Moxie Dolls, Bratz Dolls, and the numerous other dolls being shoved down our throats aisle after aisle, ad after ad, commercial after commercial. Those choices should appeal to our daughter's desire to be girls at the time that they are most malleable. They're choices that should appeal to parent's values, world view and dreams for them. We should remember that there are other colors on the spectrum - not just pink - when choosing merchandise for our girls.
